Monday, January 16, 2012

If This Chair Could Talk...

 

 This chair was my grandpa's. I can still picture him sitting in it, laughing at a comedy on T.V. or sitting reading the paper....sometimes looking as if in deep thought, sometimes napping. I was very close with him and there are many days I wish I could just sit and talk with him....ask him for advice...make up a silly song like we used to. Aside form my husband, I have never had the love of a better man than him. He taught me what a good man was...he didn't even try, and probably never knew....but because of his love and godly example, I chose a wonderful man to be my husband and the father of my children.
   My Grandpa went home to be with the Lord right before I turned 19. I remember coming home from a wonderful night with Dave...I was so excited because Dave had just proposed. My Grandpa really liked Dave and he knew I loved Dave before I did, so I was so excited for us to come in and share the big news. He smiled as he looked at the ring...he was happy for us. He asked "When's the big day?" ( it was March when we got engaged) I said, "We love the fall, and want to have an October wedding." He said, "Boy I don't know if I can wait that long!"...I just thought he was excited, but it turns out he hadn't been feeling well, but never told any of us.
   Just a couple of weeks later, and he was gone...he had a massive heart attack followed by a stroke. The doctors said he had significant scarring on his heart indicating he had probably had several small heart attacks leading up to that big one....
  Wedding plans kept us quite busy for the next 7 months. We had a wonderful warm October day when we said "I do". There was a tinge of sadness, because I had so wanted my Grandpa to walk me down the isle...
   Time moved on and we moved to an apartment and then discovered we would be adding to our family! We moved to our first little home in  the country with our new baby boy.
   I was given a gift when we moved there...my mom  and Gram decided I should have my Grandpa's chair. More than a year and a half had passed since he had died. That night I sat in that chair...it all hit  me. He  missed our wedding, the birth  of his first great grandson... but here I was sitting in his chair, and somehow that provided a space to heal. When someone passes at  such a busy time, it's easy to not really deal with the loss...there just wasn't any time to let it all sink in.
   Over 18 years later, I still find great comfort in that chair...now I'm the one sitting there laughing at the comedy, sitting with my laptop catching up on the news, writing my blog....many times just sitting deep in thought. I have sat there contemplating many things over the years....held my babies, searched through my Bible for answers, cried for my children's broken hearts....
   As I sit here now, I can see the soft blue fabric faded and tattered around the edges and I remember my Grandpa's strong hands on the arms....fingers slowly rubbing the trim when he seemed to be working something over in his mind.... there are some stains on the matching ottoman...but it is one of my most treasured things.
   I've been  spending  time here a lot lately, heart heavy for my family...I wonder if we were in his mind when he sat thinking quietly. Funny how your perspective changes as you get older.
   I am so thankful for so many blessings in my life including this simple, worn, secondhand chair, whose  beauty is  invisible to most.
  
   How about you? Do you have something that is special to you that ties you to the past?
   

8 comments:

Dicky Bird said...

What a wonderful post. I have tears in my eyes. This is what I love about being an antique dealer (junk really). I feel that way too about many things I have made a connection with. For me, it is my Dad's coffee cup. He always used the same one - the morning after he died, it was place on the table with his clean bandana handkerchief folded next to it- I asked my Mom if I could have it - she gave it to me and now I have it on my shelf along with his high school picture - I look at it everyday when I wake up. Blessings from Ringle, WI.

Farming On Faith said...

Oh now~ you have me in tears. It sounds just like my Grandpa too!
Weeping with you this morning~ My Friend.
My Grandpa was my rock too!

Michelle said...

What a lovely post. I never really know my grandparents.My family isn't very close. The Lord showed me that love and closeness when he gave me my wonderful husband and kids. who are my life. I pray that I have given them that same feeling your grandpa gave you.

~mel said...

What a beautiful post. I feel sorry for the poor souls out there that don't have a special someone or something to remind us of loved ones. I have a fork that was my Dads that I eat with every day... and wouldn't trade it for anything:)

Deborah Jean at Dandelion House said...

What a blessing he was ( and still is ) in your life. Thank you for sharing with us today!

Heidi said...

This post brought me to tears. Your story is much like mine. My Grandma was MY rock. I think of her daily and miss her til it hurts sometimes. She taught me to garden, and piqued my interest in homemaking. I can still remember sitting under her sewing table pushing her pedal on demand. I have the last thing she ever made for us. It was a white afghan she made for my son Jon. He was her first great grandson and she loved him awful much too. She held him when he was a newborn, but he never really got to know her. Like your Grandpa, she was gone too soon. Many of my happiest childhood memories include her and I believe she looks in on me from time to time, guiding me to stay steady and true. I love you Grams.

Becky Jane said...

Your heartfelt post brought tears to my eyes. Both my parents died of massive heart failure within 10 minutes of each other. Two weeks later the house I grew up in was sold and everything divided between my 5 siblings and me.

My greatest treasure is my Dads old red sweater. He wore it all the time and it never matched anything...lol I have it hanging in my clothes closet. Whenever I get lonely I can pull it out and relish the memories!

Jennifer @ Town and Country Living said...

What a beautiful story. I poked around your blog ... your photography is breathtaking. I love all the country scenes. Just gorgeous. I'm your newest follower.