Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Re-Learning Lessons I Thought I Already Knew....



   Wow! Have you ever had a day (or a week) where you feel as if God pointed everything right at you to shout a message loud and clear? I don’t mean in a harsh mean way…I mean a gentle Fatherly loving way?
   I went to our church’s ladies Bible study like I do most Wednesday nights. Tonight we started a new fabulous looking book called Becoming a Woman of Extraordinary Faith. What If You Gave It All to God? by Julie Clinton.
   Well right out of the gate we watched the companion video that shared a woman’s amazing story of how her life and the lives of her family were forever changed by a drunk driver crashing into them. She talked about how her daughter struggles even today, some six years after the accident, with memory and physical issues. She has had to mourn the future she imagined for her daughter. She talked about praying for God to return things back to “normal” for her daughter….But then she realized that God was doing something extraordinary through her daughter the way she was now…She had to let go of the picture of what “normal” would be for her ….
   I have been mourning a few issues lately. Dreams I felt were from God…good things that seem like they would have good godly results for others….situations I felt called to, but the doors aren’t opening in the right direction…feeling the (prideful) need to stand up for my child/children/self when wronged or have our character challenged…ugh this list has had me stressed, angry, confused, sad….and now that I really look at it, struggling with my faith….and pride.
   Yesterday, I read a blog that I “stumbled on” about pride it struck a nerve, but it was really only setting me up for the things I would hear today. Tonight I realized I was waiting for things to return to “normal”. Waiting for the picture I had in my head to play out in real life… and running ahead (and running my mouth) to defend my children’s good name and reputation as well as my own. How prideful of me!
   Even though the things I was wanting and waiting for were not selfish ungodly things, the grip I had on my vision of those things was! If God called me to something it will happen in His time…my waiting for things to change causes me to miss precious time and blessings right under my nose….God will defend my family, I don’t need to help him…
   Well it’s a good thing that I have a long drive home. As I was alone in my car, the rain streaming down the windshield, tears began to fall…I allowed my heart to break for these things I have been desperately grasping. I confessed my pride and lack of faith…I let go…we had a long talk and knowing how music touches me, He spoke to me through the songs that played on the radio. Songs I’ve heard a thousand times, but tonight spelled out a message just for me.
   First was “Come as You are” by Pocket  Full of Rocks:
 He's not mad at you
And He's not disappointed
His grace is greater still
Than all of your wrong choices
Chorus:

You can come as you are
With all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart
Bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are

God knew the burden I have been carrying and when I felt I couldn’t come to Him, He came to me!

Then played “The Voice of Truth” by Casting Crowns:
But the giant's calling out my name 
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times 
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy you'll never win!'
'You'll never win!'
Chorus: 
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, 'Do not be afraid!'
The voice of truth says, 'This is for My glory'
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I need to listen to His voice, not all the voices out there talking about or against us. I need to listen for His guidance every day instead of my agenda.

Then came Matthew West’s “Strong Enough”:
I know I'm not strong enough to be 
Everything that I'm supposed to be 
I give up 
I'm not strong enough 
Hands of mercy won't you cover me 
Lord right now I'm asking you to be 
Strong enough 
Strong enough 
For the both of us

I don’t have to carry all of this myself, I can walk away from my idea of “normal” but only when holding His hand.

Then I got home and read my devotional…
Psalm 73:23-26
New International Version (NIV)
 23 Yet I am always with you; 
   you hold me by my right hand.
 
24 You guide me with your counsel, 
   and afterward you will take me into glory.
 
25 Whom have I in heaven but you? 
   And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
 
26 My flesh and my heart may fail, 
   but God is the strength of my heart
 

   and my portion forever.


Tonight, I go to bed knowing the road may be hard, but I am holding the hand of my Heavenly Father, knowing He will be my strength forever…. Do you know that too? I hope so…


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1 comment:

Heidi said...

Dear Allison,
This post really spoke truth to me tonight. Perhaps this message was meant for more than just your ears. Thank you. Have a great weekend.